what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
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GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
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We can't do acid Disneyworld.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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