I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
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At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
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My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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