"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
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His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
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Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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