"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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