I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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