kristin has been a bad kristin
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
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Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
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I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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