You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
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How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
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I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize