I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize