dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize