We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
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I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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