Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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