Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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