I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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