It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i drank out of a bidet.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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