Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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