What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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