she was so not down for the gang bang
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
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I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
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I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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