I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
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do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
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I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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