She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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