if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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