i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
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My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
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omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize