i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I know her cup size but not her name....
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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