Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
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he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
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She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize