Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize