I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
please come you make the beer taste better
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
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Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
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Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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