im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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