Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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