I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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