I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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