Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
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