Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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