ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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