Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize