Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
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