i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
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Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
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I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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