i permit you to call me
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize