Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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