i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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