i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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