My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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