I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize