my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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