someone threw a dead crab at me
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize