I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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