Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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