i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
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Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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