Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
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found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
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Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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