so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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