He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
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keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
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I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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