I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
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I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
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Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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